3 Ways to Measure Success in Your Life
Using your ruler and no one else’s…
First, a Short Story
If you’ve ever been to South Boston “Southie” on a summer Saturday night, you are sure to see plenty of 20-somethings in line to spend their evening at one of the many bars and restaurants.
Once upon a time I was one of them, adventuring out into the city at a time when I’m now usually comfy in bed.
Don’t get me wrong - I still like to go to Southie - it’s got some great restaurants with delicious food, craft cocktails, and fun vibes that I still like to enjoy, just in a different way.
Let’s just say - my definition of a successful night in Southie looks a little bit different now …
It looks like grabbing an early dinner, parking our camper van on the most level and quiet street we can find, getting water and snacks at the convenience store and having a cozy night in our tiny home on wheels … while many nearby are galavanting around until the early hours of the morning.
Point being: Different stages of life = different definitions of success and happiness.
I’m turning 35 this week and it’s been a great opportunity to reflect on what brings me joy at this stage in my life, and if I’m making sure to incorporate enough of it.
Here are 3 ways I am going to make sure I am measuring success with my own ruler as I turn 35 and beyond, and I hope you find them useful, too!
1.“This Or Something Better”
In many ways, my life looks similar to what I pictured it to look like at this age. And in (probably) more ways, it looks very different…
I don’t want to speak for everyone, but I think that most picture the way their life is going to go from a very young age. Part of this is that it is human nature to imagine and daydream, and part of it is that we are always watching and learning from others, getting ideas of what’s normal or what we should be doing.
Something I’ve learned in recent years is that, yes, it is good to have a plan, to set goals and visualize the life you want to make reality. BUT, what’s more important is to LET GO of expectations. To set a goal and say “it’s this or something BETTER.” To have an idea how the story will go, but be open and accepting of plot twists.
And, to make a plan based on what feels right to you, not what those around you are doing or telling you to do…
2.Let Go of Comparisons + Expectations
In a world of social media and endless ways to communicate, hearing and seeing other peoples’ stories is inevitable. Sometimes, it’s inspiring and motivating when you hear what someone else is doing. And sometimes, it causes envy, comparison, anxiety - the feeling of not being good enough or having enough success.
Well, let this be your reminder that what we see on social media is not an indication of someone’s success or happiness. And, more importantly, regardless of what others are doing to feel successful or joyful, only YOU know what will truly fulfill YOU.
It’s not always easy to figure out what you want when we’re constantly fed ideas and information, but one thing I have found is that spending less time on social media and more time with myself is one key way to get myself aligned and figure out what I need.
Similarly, learn to take others’ opinions and advice (especially the unwelcome ones) with a grain of salt - they may have good intentions, but only you know what is best for you…
3.Change the Narrative As Necessary
It may be easier said than done, but every moment is an opportunity to pause and ask yourself, “am I in the right story?!”
We’re creatures of habit and sometimes it can feel easier to stay in a story because it’s what we know and what we’re comfortable with - but is it in alignment with this version of ourselves? Is it bringing us true joy and satisfaction? You are the author of your life and if the story needs to pivot, you have the power to write in those changes.
Doing so might be scary, but it sure is hard to feel true success and joy if it’s time for a new chapter and you’re not making space for it...
Happily Ever After?
I used to think 35 was old and that I’d have everything figured out by now. I don’t know what it is I was hoping to figure out, but I’ve definitely learned that nothing is ever completely figured out because we are ever evolving beings, constantly changing, realigning, and shifting our definitions of success accordingly.
And I certainly don’t feel old.
In fact, I feel like I’m just getting started.
There is so much beauty in my current reality that I never ever envisioned and I am so glad I had goals but left room for surprises. That I made plans that I followed until my gut led me in a different direction. That I have worked hard, but also left space to go with the flow.
The first half of my 30s has challenged me and changed me in the best ways, even on the hardest days. I am excited to see the way my life evolves in the second half of this decade, and I know that as I evolve my definition of success will, too. One thing’s for sure, I plan to live the most authentic, fulfilled life possible, and I wish that for YOU, too.
Your life is your story. It can be a fairytale if you allow it to be by letting go of comparison, shifting the narrative as necessary, and trusting the process.
In celebration of 35, I challenge you to pause and celebrate some of the moments in your life that make you feel successful and joyful - how can you add more moments like that into your story?
Success looks different for everyone. It looks different on different days, in different moments, and certainly at different chapters of your life. But one thing’s for sure: no matter what chapter you are in, you make the grade just by being you.
PS: If any of this resonates (especially if you are in the education world!), you might like my podcast, Making the Grade.
